2 Weeks Notice....

HELLO ALL. I DECIDED A FEW DAYS AGO THAT I WAS GOING TO GIVE MY BOSS MY 2 WEEKS NOTICE TODAY. I WANTED TO TELL HIM ON FRIDAY BUT I KNEW THAT HE HAD A BIG CLASS AND AN IMPORTANT FAMILY FUNCTION THIS PAST WEEKEND AND I DID NOT WANT TO TAKE AWAY FROM THAT WITH MY "NOT SO GREAT" NEWS. ANYWAYS, I CAME INTO WORK TODAY AND AFTER MY MORNING MEETING I TOLD HIM THAT I THOUGHT IT WAS TIME TO MOVE ON. HE WAS SO KIND AND UNDERSTANDING, WHICH MADE IT MUCH EASIER. I HAVE BEEN THINKING FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW ABOUT WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE. ALTHOUGH I DO FOR MYSELF, I FIND THAT I PUT MYSELF LAST ALSO. I AM CONSUMED WITH LIFE AND THE DAY TO DAY ACTIVITIES THAT I NEVER REALLY TAKE TIME FOR MYSELF. I MEAN, I WILL SHOP ON THE WEEKEND OR WATCH TV....BUT I NEVER REALLY TAKE TIME FOR MYSELF. I DONT DO THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY. PERSONALLY, I AM TIRED OF LIVING MY LIFE LIKE THIS. I WANT TO BE HAPPY, AND WAKE UP WITH A SMILE AND LOOK FORWARD TO GOING TO WORK. LATELY ITS BEEN A DOWNWARS SPIRAL FULL OF UNCAGED EMOTION AND ANGER. I FEEL LIKE I CANT CONTROL MYSELF ANYMORE AND I DONT LIKE IT. FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKENDS I LITERALLY BREAK DOWN AND ACT IN A WAY THAT I HAVE NEVER KNOWN. ITS HARD TO SAY BUT I THINK THAT I HATE MYSELF. I KNOW THAT I DONT LOVE MYSELF BUT I NEVER EVER THOUGHT I WOULD THINK THAT I HATE MYSELF. WELL, SINCE I STARTED COUNSELING I HAVE REALLY BEEN TRYING TO RID MYSELF OF "NEGATIVE ENERGY"--WHATEVER THAT MAY BE. SO WHILE IM IN THIS TRIMMING THE FAT PROCESS I AM MAKING MASSIVE CHANGES IN MY LIFE. FOR ONE, ME AND MY BFF "BROKE UP" A MONTH AGO OR SO. I COULDNT TAKE THE CONTROL ANYMORE. AND NOW, I AM MOVING ON FROM MY JOB. MY BOSS HAS BEEN AWESOME, SUPPORTIVE AND UNDERSTANDING. BUT WITH THE GOOD COMES THE BAD--AND AT THE BEGINNING AND END OF THE DAY IM JUST NOT HAPPY. I DONT LOOK FORWARD TO GOING TO WORK. MAYBE ITS THE DEPRESSION, IM NOT SURE. I DECIDED WITH MY MATE THAT I AM GOING TO TAKE SOME TIME OFF AND TRY TO FOCUS ON MYSELF AND BEING A BETTER ME. I THINK I HAVE GIFTS AND A GREAT PURPOSE BUT I HAVE TO ENDURE THE PAIN AND HEAL SO GOD CAN USE ME THE WAY HE SEES FIT. HE ALWAYS SEES THE BIGGER PICTURE AND I HAVE TO TRUST IN HIM :) SO, AFTER MY 2 WEEKS, I AM GOING TO DOUBLE UP ON COUNSELING AND DIG DEEP TO FIND THAT HAPPINESS THAT ONLY GOD CAN GIVE ME. I KNOW ITS THERE....I JUST LOST IT AND IM GOING TO DO WHATEVER I CAN TO FIND HIM AGAIN!

XOXOX
JESS