It's Tuesday again--the day I never fail to blog on. Granted, it is late...possibly Wednesday now, but I haven't went to sleep yet so we will just say it's still Tuesday. Anyways, today was a rather eventful day. I slept in this morning, which was nice. I should have gotten up earlier but I just wasn't feeling it today. Damien did not have to work, so I enjoyed my time with him by sleeping in. Well, I finally rolled out of bed at about 10:30 or so. I had to wash my hair because I had left an over night treatment in it. After that I decided to film. I filmed a video and edited it. At this point I was on a time crunch to get to counseling on time. However, I have made it a point to be punctual. My mother is not punctual and that is another habit I want to break. Back to the topic, I edited my video, saved it, and was on my way. I made it to counseling on time....and the hard part began. Overall, today was not a bad day. I didn't cry my heart out; however, I was able to release some of the hurt and anger that brews inside of me. I talked to my counselor about a childhood memory that had came back to me a couple of weeks ago. I am ashamed of it and myself. But, like she said, I was a kid and I was merely mimicking what I had been taught. I also talked to my counselor about a series of other topics which have occurred lately. It sucks cause it is a constant struggle every day. I struggle with my eating, cussing, sleeping in, spending habits, my attitude, anger, the way I handle stress, depression....the list is endless. Nothing is going to stop me though. I am going to "fight to my death!" I crave to be healed and be set free. I want to let go of my baggage and my hurt. I want to help someone else through their struggle, not matter how big or small. I want to make a difference in this world. I recently purchased a devotional just to help me kind of stay on track with my journey. I read the other day that you can't really help someone that needs to be helped until you have endured your own journey with healing. I aspire to be healed and forgive my mother. For once and all I want to "get a divorce" from food. I am tired of slowly killing myself. I will continue to fight and search for my happy place until I find it. Again, I know God has a great, big plan for all of us. I have to let him deal with me (they always say you have to deal to heal) and let him use me the way he sees fit so I can be used for something great later in life. Anyways, I know this entry is vague but it will take time for me to share more in depth with you all. My heart hurts and is heavy but today I took one more step in the right direction. One more little centimeter of my heart was healed.I know one thing is true--Time heals everything....and I can't wait to see what's in store for me in the future....
With Love,
Jess
No comments:
Post a Comment